Opps

Today I fell down the stairs at work. Clearly this makes my point... I am not good at stairs.

Things I Tend to Do

- Forget to zip my pants after going to the bathroom
- Blink in pictures
- Make-up elaborate worse-case-scenarios in my head
- Cry at movies, shows and even commercials when I'm alone
- Sing loudly in the shower
- Make up songs about animals
- Forget the important details of things I read
- Make jokes that only my dad and I find funny
- Make a strange "hum"/sigh noise in my sleep

From Here to There

So our weekly dinners have been off-kilter for a few weeks now, but we had almost everyone there last night. I love these Monday nights with my friends, because I know they won't last forever and because inevitably there will always be some interesting conversation. But last night, the most honest discussion came in the car ride on the way back from dinner.

Car rides have always struck a special chord with me. I do my best thinking and writing in the car, composing leads to stories or the map of an entire future conversation. As a child my parents would drive me around the neighborhood to put me to sleep, which still works on me to this day (I call it carcolepsy).

I think there is something about the combination of the isolation, the confinement and the inevitable end to a car ride that makes it a perfect breeding ground for solid conversations. My best friend and I, though we live very close to one another again, don't spend a whole lot of time together and have even less one-on-one time, which makes our carpool rides to Monday Night Dinners especially special.

You know the feeling that you have after a pleasantly satisfying meal. You didn't stuff yourself and the combination of ingredients satisfied your taste buds just so that you leave the meal unable to budge the slight upturn at the corners of your mouth.

That's how I felt when I stepped out of the car last night. I can't recall all the details of our conversation. I can't even say that we had any monumental revelations or a particularly significant discussion. I can say that I felt so fortunate to have a friend that I can talk to without having to think and to have the time, the space and the place to facilitate that experience.

Dog Problems

I do love The Format's second album, but that's not what this is about. I'll be the first to admit I have a shopping problem, but this dog problem is a whole other story.

I want a dog. I have wanted a dog of my own for years. True, Jakey is my dog, but it's not the same considering he has always lived at my parent's house and the only time my mom has been able to relinquish him to me was for one night a few months ago when he stayed at my new place with me and ended up peeing somewhere (typical) and puking on my bed in the middle of the night.

And also true, there was Phoenix.... but we don't speak of that incident.

Every few months I go through a dog obsession where I scour the internet for my own furry friend: animal rescue sites, breeders, the pound... you name it I'm searching it.

This weekend was no different. I went to bed Friday night with a list of things I need to search the internet for. A dog was on that list.

I decided the next morning, when I was again awoken by my neighbors un-manned alarm clock, that I was just going to be spontaneous and get a dog that day. And that's what I found Red.

I dragged Jimmy and his mom down to the PetsMart where there was supposed to be a Meet and Greet for Rescue a Golden of Arizona thinking, if he's there than it's meant to be. It turns out the Meet and Greet was only a table with set up with information about the organization. But here I am today, still unable to get Red and the idea of having a dog out of my mind.

I know the repercussions of having a dog: my life will change, I'll have more responsibilities, and I won't be able to take off whenever I want (like I ever do or have any place to go). I know the reasons why I shouldn't: I'm at work all day, I don't live in a place with a yard, it's a big financial responsibility and the kicker... I'm legally bound to the "no pets allowed" rule by my landlord. But I can't help it. I love dogs and I don't see why I can't be like everyone else and have my own. As Jimmy would say, "when do I get mine"?

With a simple phone call, that could all change. I'm still trying to decide if I should take the plunge and at least find out if my landlord would change his mind. The biggest thing thatholding me back is that I want the support of my friends, family and loved ones on this decision, because I know from experience that having to dedicate all my time to a pet can alienate others in my life.

Right now, Jimmy's mom is the only one on board. We'll see what happens.

"This is Zippy!"

Jimmy's "main man from way back in the day."

Wii Havoc

At the beginning of this day, the first day of Hanukkah, I was negative Wii's. Now I have two. I'm not quite sure what this means. Happy Hanukkah!

Ahhhh relief

Blogger's note: Because my life is quite uninteresting and I have little else to talk about, you may start seeing more posts about my favorite products.

My life is a constant search to find the best hand lotion. Okay, there's more to my life than finding remedies for dry skin, but I am very particular about lotion products, especially during the colder months when my dries up even more so than it usually does in this barren desert land.

I fell in love with Bliss High Intensity Hand Cream after my roommate gave it to me for my birthday a few years ago, sounds right up my alley right?. Almost right. The only problem was this line of amazing skin care products is they are rather expensive; this product in particular costs $18 for a 2.5 oz bottle.

However, redemption is mine! After spending way too long in the lotion isle of Target I found a substitute product that is almost, almost just as good. Curél's Intensive line has Ultra Healing hand and body lotion that comes in a 2.5 oz travel size (about $4) and a 13 oz. pump option (about $8). I have the small one in my desk drawer at work and the large one in my bathroom at home. It has a subtle fruit scent and the best part is it relieves dry skin without being greasy, one of my biggest problems with supposedly "quality" hand lotions.

Try it. Your life will never be the same.

How do you know?

You can convince yourself of anything, so what does that say about instinct?

The Giving of Thanks

As a lot of you may know, Thanksgiving isn't the best time of the year for me and my family and as such, my family is usually split up during this traditionally family oriented holiday. However, I still have a lot to be thankful for and in honor of Adriana's list, I shall now make my own top 20 things I'm thankful for in no particular order.

Chocolate, without which I couldn't make it through the day
My family being .3 miles away, it's sick but convenient
My girls and Monday night dinners, the thing I look forward to the most every week
Jimmy, who always knows how to make me smile and laugh
Jakey, as my personal heater and my live in psychologist
The internet, without which I would not have a job
Fresh air, which is all the more precious to me now that I rarely get to experience it
My aunt, who is my reason for never giving up
My health and having all my limbs, because I'm a big baby and couldn't imagine having to suffer like that
Music, it makes my world make sense
My bed, it soothes me, it comforts me and it relaxes me
My cell phone, because it connects me when I need communication the most
Comedy, because almost nothing does me better than a good laugh
Rufio, he's not very eco-friendly, but he gets the job done
Netflix, what else would I do on a Tuesday
Rain, even though I rarely see it
My camera, it inspires me to do more with my life and makes my memories real
My trip to Europe, because it made the world seem tangible and brought my life into focus
Independence
Water, it brings and sustains life and makes my pee less yellow

Horses make everything better

I love this story.

My patchy friend

For the past three months I have driven by a piece of horse property, positioned randomly next to huge power lines and in between two neighborhoods, on my way to work. This family's land is small but has three long, narrow, dirt-filled pens. The one closest to the street had a vivacious white and brown paint horse, who I had become accustomed to seeing everyday.

If you don't know me, then you should know that I am a self-proclaimed lover of horses, so seeing this horse twice daily made me smile, even when I wasn't in a smiling mood. Usually he was eating, sometimes he was relaxing in the shade of the lone tree in his pen and other times I found him jaunting about, just like a happy horse should.

On more than one occasion I had planned to stop on my way home from work to make friends with the animal that unknowingly brought me so much joy. During one of my snack phases I had been brining baby carrots to work and usually did not finish them. I thought I could use them as an offering of friendship. I had often seen a mother and her child bonding while petting the horse; something my mother and I used to do when I was little.

Of course, I never remembered to stop. And a couple weeks ago, I was sorely disappointed as my excitement turned to concern and despair when I saw that my horse friend was not in his pen. I hoped that afternoon or the next morning he would reappear, thinking he was away on a competition, getting new shoes or at the vet for a minor check-up. Unfortunately that has not been the case and now there is another new horse in the pen next to his. Did the family trade him? Did he die? Is he on sabbatical? I've honestly contemplated stopping to ask the family, but decided against it.

I still have a view of horses to see on my way to work, even more than before, but it's not the same. I know there was something special about this animal, even though I never physically interacted with it. I miss him or her, but I keep faith that he or she will come back. After all, they haven't put another horse in his or her place yet.

Photograph

I want more opportunities like this to use my camera

I Hate Phoenix, Let Me Count the Ways

It's still reaching 94 degrees in NOVEMBER!

The only natural green is too dangerous to touch, it's a desert wasteland

We don't have an interesting accent

There is no culture

The state's claim to fame is a big hole in the ground

Chain stores dominate

It's so hot that pieces of cars start to melt

Southwest decorations abound

People still think the city is a ghost town with saloons and tumbleweeds

It keeps growing and growing full of old people

The sports teams almost always seem to disappoint

Writing is like a carousel

My position title at NextStudent tells me, "It's official. You're a writer."

I don't buy it. For me... writing is like a carousel ride of words. I go round and round and up and down with unsatisfying progress. The ride is fun while I'm on it, but when I get off and look back at my journey I am unimpressed with the outcome. There's no end to the process. The ride keeps going, round and round.

Like horses always do, the ride continues to draw me back day after day. But for now, I'm okay with that.

flummery

According to my word of the day from dictionary.com:

flummery \FLUHM-uh-ree\, noun:

1. A name given to various sweet dishes made with milk, eggs, flour, etc.
2. Empty compliment; unsubstantial talk or writing; mumbo jumbo; nonsense

I like the sound, I like the meaning.

$156 is a lot of money

After a long weekend of Bat Mitzvahcation my boyfriend and I decided to unwind at one of our favorite places Turf Paradise Racetrack. We walked in right before the second to last race and I immediately made my way to the warm up circle like I always do. I have been going to the horse races for years and I never bet, because I just enjoy the thrill of watching the horses race.

However, I always make my picks. After a few minutes of looking over the horses for Race 8, I picked horse 4 and horse 6. My boyfriend told me immediately that without looking at the odds I had picked the two favorites. He made a $20 quinella bet for horse 4 and horse 6 to come in first and second in no particular order. Horse 4 and horse 6 led the entire race and won. Much to our surprise our $20 bet turned into $156! We weren't so lucky on the next race, but man that's a lot of money.

It hurts

Listening to President Bush speak is the most painful thing to witness... worse even than seeing suffering puppies and starving children in Africa.

It's Good to be Me

I never thought I'd say this, but for the first time in my life, I'm happy living in Phoenix (with the exception of the unbearable heat). I have the best job I could ever ask for as a copywriter at NextStudent, where I get to write to my heart's content about anything that interests college students and use my composition skills to help former and current college students like myself have a better understanding of their student loans (something I wish I would have known about a long time ago).

I'm finally on my way to financial independence. My townhouse is absolutely perfect, except for the fact that I am still forced to be separated from my one true love, Jakey.



And I still get to live near all the people that matter the most to me.

After my trip to Europe I am beginning to truly develop my sense of self and feel like I have purpose and direction. Whereas a few months ago, all the major elements in my life were up in the air, the dust has settled and I am living relatively care free.

Wow, does this mean I'm turning into an optimist? Blasphemy. It'll never happen!

Decisions Decisions

Decisions run my life. The whole point of a decision is to grant yourself control over your own course. For me, decisions symbolize a lack of control. Once they hit me, the following process spirals out of control. My problem is hereditary. I find myself plagued by the inability to complete such a simplistic task. Decision making is like a shot of something sharp to a piece of glass. Its propulsion is quick and focused, planting itself into a large durable, but fragile landscape. And once it lands the plane stays whole as the tiny cracks rip through its solidarity, jutting and turning endlessly with no discernible direction. Unlike most, my brain follows those twisting paths far before the conclusion, weighing both sides at every turn. It is exhausting. Rarely am I satisfied with the end result. Rarely do I walk away without doubt.

Do I wait for what might come next. Or do I chose between the options I am faced with? Do I take a gamble? Or do I play it safe?

I should feel privileged to have this opportunity. Yet, I complain and run myself like a roller coaster, up and down, twist right, turn left. Until I'm left with no direction, worse than when I started.

Here I Go

It's the day after graduation. I don't know if I'll ever say that again. I'm excited. I'm relaxed. I'm anxious. I'm satisfied. I'm proud. I have the whole world ahead of me... literally I have all of Europe ahead of me. I'm looking forward to relaxing, but I imagine, I'll get bored pretty easily. Everything is changing, but I see glimpses of an exciting future through the door openings. Only time will tell where my life will end up, but I guess I have some say as I go along.